In Response

In response to Sarah Kay's blog I would like to offer you a couple of constructive criticisms (not to be confused with arguing or unabashedly demoralizing your point of view). You open with what in my eyes could be a very good start to a strong argument ("The United States national government is viewed as the most powerful nation in the world, the best off. But what did it really take to get there? Manipulation."), but you fail to provide any substantial evidence for your statements. The evidence that you do provide, like when you say that leaders have made and broken many promises, lacks detail. I feel that leaving out these important details can leave a reader asking many questions about where you reference your material.

The second paragraph is opened with another bold statement that the governments problem solving skill are black and white, in my eyes leaving the reader wanting to know more about what makes the government black and white in there problem solving skills. Then a question is asked "What do we do about immigration?", but after the question is asked it is then left open. If I may clarify by what I mean by open; I mean that the lines following the question aren't facts referenced from any thing, but they seem to be broad over generalizations about what the government has proposed to do about immigration.

The final two paragraphs don't do the job of clarifying your point. It can be said that America is a great place to live and that we are not "all bad", but I don't believe that was the point of your editorial.

So what do I suggest? Well I would suggest clarifying your points, having substantial evidence to back your points up and then try concluding your blog with one statement that can tie everything together.